Thank you for falling in love with me…

I’ve started counting down the days. I hate myself for doing it, for filling my own heart with empty promises. But, in spite of everything, I remain an optimist. I’m a wannabe romantic. I want to believe that this time, this year, will be the one when it’s your voice on the other end of the phone, your face on the other side of the door.

It sometimes feels as though I’ve spent my whole life in love. In love with an idea, a dream, a person. Yet it was only in the ‘final years’ of my life that I felt I was loved back. A job that needed me, friends who would have died for me, a man who would have given up his whole world for me…

When I find myself bitter and full of self-pity, I remember that I was so lucky to have been loved, to have been loved by you. And in my more romantic and hopeful of moments, I cling to the possibility that you are still loving me from afar. Still loving me as much as I am you.

So when the dreaded day comes, and no cards or flowers or chocolates arrive on my doorstep, I’ll remember that I was loved once and I’ll smile.I hope you write, I hope you call, I hope you are waiting for me when I get home from work. But, mainly, I hope you’re smiling too.